I dream – I am exhausted and overwhelmed. I have been feeling this way for a very long time. I look forward to finally getting some sleep at night but I wake up at 4 am again and I am devastated. I do not know how much longer I can go on like this. In my desperation, I pack up and travel to my parents home. There finally I can lay down my head and rest fully in the complete safety and unconditional support of my family.
As I arrive, I notice how messy and chaotic their home has become. Furniture is falling apart, there is so much dirt and clutter around that weird insects are starting to make it their home. To my horror, I find out that my parents have just had another baby. I am so tired that I cannot process this so I ask them where I can take a nap and they point me to a dark room. They tell me that I need to be careful not to turn around in my sleep because I might roll over some flies that their new baby adopted as pets. I still cannot comprehend what they are saying. I collapse into a very stiff bed with unwashed sheets and close my eyes. I need to sleep so desperately.
Sleep is not coming and I am aware of how uncomfortable the bed is and how difficult it is to worry about not squashing the pet insects. I begin to worry about this baby my parents mentioned. What possessed them to give birth to a child when they can barely take care of themselves? I get up and go in search of this baby.
As I travel through the darkness, squalor and filth, I finally find the room that is meant to be a nursery and something inside me just tightens. I rush in and start searching frantically for the baby. He is nowhere to be found. I finally realize he is in a small crib, completely covered by tons of dirty heavy rags. I fear that he is no longer alive as he could not possibly breathe through this pile of rags. I yank everything off him and to my great surprise the baby is unharmed and even smiling at me. I notice how incredibly unappealing and even inappropriate the baby’s haircut is. There is a twinkle of madness in his eyes.
My parents rush into the room, hearing the commotion. I am exasperated. I yell at them and ask them what they were thinking. I completely loose it and tell them that this is insane. Their house and they are not fit to have a baby! They must not hear me. Am I screaming inside my head? They continue to smile and shrug their shoulders. They say they don’t know why I am fussing – the baby is happy the way it is.
I suddenly realize that they are completely insane. I cannot help them, and most certainly, they cannot help me. I have come to the wrong place. I cannot find peace here. I was insane myself to think that I could. I look at the baby and see clearly that he is not well either. He has become insane himself in order to fit into the insanity around him. I run outside and try to find my way home.
I am at a bus stop but I cannot figure out which bus to take. There are information booths and even New Age gurus/cult leaders but no one can help me find the right bus. They have no idea which buses go exactly to my home. I realize that I have to simplify my inquiry by asking how to get to the center of town. From there I can find my own way. I finally get a straight answer and line up for the bus number that I am told will take me to the center of the city. My dream ends.
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